Monday, April 9, 2012

Gay-dars, Race-dars; Go Deeper!!!

Luke:10: 33 But a Samaritan, as he traveled, came where the man was; and when he saw him, he took pity on him. 34 He went to him and bandaged his wounds, pouring on oil and wine. Then he put the man on his own donkey, brought him to an inn and took care of him. 35 The next day he took out two denarii[c] and gave them to the innkeeper. ‘Look after him,’ he said, ‘and when I return, I will reimburse you for any extra expense you may have.’!

One of my favorite activities is people watching! I love watching how people relate to one another, how they make decisions, and my favorite, to predict their next steps and theorize what could have possibly motivated those decisions. My husband hates that about me; he too loves people watching but he normally only has his "gay-dars" on and my followed up questions are usually "what does it mean that this man is gay?" "does it mean to treat him any differently?" He hates those questions!
Like most of us in our society, we normally have our "dars" on; whether it be "gay-dars", "race-dars" "religious group-dars", "weight-dars", "gender-dars" you name it we have it. These "dars" are supposed to help us in making quick decisions without deep thoughts and certainly no heart. But more often than not, I find that these "dars" mostly aid us in making many bad assumptions.

For example, at my previous job at a church, I was on call. I was very tired that day for I received many calls and walk-ins by people needing help. Towards the end of my day a black woman walked in with four children; yup you guessed. I automatically assumed she too needed help, when all she wanted was for me to point her to the children's play area. Would I have made that same assumption if she were a white woman with 4 children? Probably Not! Perhaps all of the "welfare mommas" rhetoric in the media have affected me more than I thought. Yes I repented!

How about when you first meet someone who speaks with an accent. The usual assumption is: he or she is uneducated; unless of course it's a British accent, then it's exotic.

And just recently, my husband and I were at a hotel restaurant eating out in the patio area. A young mother walked in with a baby in a stroller; she scoped out the area and approached the young white couple sitting just a few feet away from us to ask them if she can leave her sleeping baby with them while she went to the buffet line. I instantly thought, how did she "know" that this couple was a "better fit" to watch her baby? If only she knew how much I LOVED children and that I have three on my own. I honestly don't know if I would have made a better decision.

We all use our "dars", our stereotypes to help us in making decisions. However, it is a problem when one group always end up on the negative end of our "dars" and the other always on the positive.

So what do we do with all of this tension? I honestly don't know!!! But we live in a nation where it is estimated that 70% is christian; surely we know a thing or two about what Jesus said of being impartial and loving our neighbor as ourselves. Jesus not only spoke on the subject, he modeled it! In fact he used a compelling story about the good Samaritan to illustrate this point and to challenge us to look deeper and Love well, no matter who the person might be: whether gay, black, white, asian, Indian, Iraqi, fat, skinny or a woman. Read the entire story in Luke: 10: 25-37.

Still confused on how to do this "love" thing, drop the "dars" and go deeper. Here are some suggestions:

1) SLOW down! Quick decisions promote partiality. Take slower steps, relax and approach people as if you know nothing about them. Let them tell you about themselves. I know this fast paced society is not conducive to that kind lifestyle.

2) Retrain your mind! Guess what most of what we're dealing with is learned behavior; in other words a systematic brainwashing. Of course sin is the fuel to the fire but trust me, you're brainwashed. If you have a TV or a computer in your home, you're brainwashed! This is something I try to be conscious of daily. It is so deeply rooted; even when I don't want to have my "dars" on, oops there they are!

3) Practice makes perfect; seriously you will fail at this, a lot! I have, often!!! Ugh; I get so frustrated and disappointed with myself. But I dust myself off, repent and go on doing my best to love well!

4) Get to know people of other races, sizes, gender and sexual orientation. If all you know are people who look like you, think like, behave like, eat at the same restaurants as you, or share the same cultural experiences as you; then you are laying in the most comfortable bed to be a partial thinker. Sorry if this is you but man your "dars" are completely tattooed on your skin. And when I say "know" I'm not just talking about those you serve, I'm talking about those you do life with; you eat with them, disagree with them and show up to their children's school play; that's what I'm talking about! Get out there! Don't be scared! By the way, go ahead and serve but let it be used as a first step.

5) Ask God to help rework your mind and heart! I can't even begin to tell you how deeply rooted these "dars" are; and without God, through Jesus christ by the power of the holy spirit, we ain't got a chance. If you desire to do better in this area, ask God for help; he'll show you!

By the way, I engaged the young mother (from above) in a conversation to tell her how precious her baby was. During our conversation, we realized we had something in common. She's a fraternal twin who looks identical to her sister and I'm the mother of fraternal twins who look very identical to one another. Ha, I couldn't have written a better ending to the story.

Father help us to look deeper than our "dars"!


  1. Well said cuzzo!!! This was on point, and I do understand how we being human, can very much be partial due to our ignorance on cultures/lifestyles. So I definately understand how we can look deeper, and be more "tolereant" perse on what we don't "know" about others. Keep up the good work, and God Bless cuz.

    *My name is Mike Andre Izenady, and I approve this comment.*

    1. Thank you Cuz! We need to challenge what we say we believe!